How did we get here?

How did a self-proclaimed ‘unicorn’ find herself in a romantic relationship trope: a triad with a married male-female couple and their two young children?

Quite literally, I met my two partners at a convention, the same weekend I ended a relationship with someone I’d been seeing for a few months. We messaged back and forth for a few weeks before they invited me to a party where I wound up spending the night. After several more dates and overnights, despite my denial of the situation, a triad-style relationship was forming.

It was everything I swore I’d never do, and it happened faster than I’d ever expected. I didn’t want to date a couple for numerous reasons, and I didn’t want to date a couple with children. You might be asking, if this was a bag of red flags, why would I say yes to all of this? And why would they want me to say yes?

It turns out there were several reasons for it. My early insistence of being allowed to stay connected to the children even if the relationships ended with the adults made it clear I took the concept of relationships and emotional bonds seriously.

Of equal importance was the recognition that we were forming multiple relationships simultaneously between configurations of adults. The married partners had been together for over a decade, and that relationship would still require ongoing nurturing. Simultaneously we recognized the necessity for each pairing to build connections, as well as creating space for the triad, and for the family unit of all five individuals to come together.

There was also the concept of couples privilege to unpack, the skepticism of the friends of the married partners, and the concern of if or when any of us would tell our families of origin. It was, and still is, a lot.

Now a few years into our life and our family, we have learned so much. For many reasons, lots of “non-traditional” groupings of adults keep their details private. However it occurred to us that maybe, we aren’t the only folks trying to figure out how to be better parents when we don’t fit a 2-parent system. Though some advice is the same, the differences can feel overwhelming especially for those new to a parenting role. We want other people to have a place to learn, share resources, and ask questions.